What if I’m abducted by aliens?

As parents and caregivers, we’re expected to plan for the stages leading up to the end of our lives, while also preparing our children to live without us doing all the things we’re doing now. Confronting so many aspects of the future is existential. Maybe we’re not equipped to tackle everything at once. 

Even talking about these things is hard. If I say, “When I’m not around anymore,” often, people will rush to reassure me that I’m not about to die. When I talk with friends who are navigating similar issues, the topic becomes a dark cloud looming over us. After a few minutes, we acknowledge this and change the subject. 

Before my daughter turned 18, we had to decide between guardianship and supported decision making. During a discussion with our DDS representative. I told her to imagine that me and my husband have been abducted by aliens, and now my daughter is all alone. What happens differently if she has guardianship vs. supported decision making?

The short answer was that DDS would step in and find emergency placement and services. But with guardianship, a court approval is needed for many decisions and changes. For many reasons, we decided to go with supported decision making. 

Reframing the question helped us make a decision we needed to make. 

Recently, I needed to understand how our Adult Family Care provider would interface with DDS in our absence. So, with a different representative, I asked, if we’re abducted by aliens, what happens? The answer was sobering. If an adult with disabilities is being cared for in the family home, and has to leave the home due to crisis, DDS has to seek funding approval for a residential placement. 

I don’t regret asking because I needed to understand how the system works. Framing the question with an absurd scenario made it easier for everyone to discuss difficult realities. It helped the person answering, and it helped me process the information. 

Find your own version of alien abduction. Quicksand. A portal to another dimension. The goal is to give yourself a little emotional distance and make it possible to talk and think about the future.